Friday, July 21, 2006

Lissen Up Stoopid!


The Omaha World Herald is smart and intellectual.

You, however, are a dope who likes loud noises and shiny things.

That’s the lesson learned by the Omaha World Herald’s latest lecture on the congressional campaigns. (The need for substance; Nebraska voters deserve congressional campaigns that explore serious issues. – OWH – 7/21/06 )

You see, Dopey, the Senate is a very important place where important things are decided. And you shouldn’t be swayed by what the candidates want to discuss or what you think is important. (Say in a very serious voice…) The OWH will tell you what’s important.

For instance, Ben Nelson needs to “to talk about his core concerns as a member of the Senate and explain what he sees as ways to address long-term national concerns.”

Should Pete Ricketts do this as well? No, no, no, says your Uncle World Herald.

No, Pete needs to prove a negative. Pete needs to prove more than what his core beliefs in government are. Pete needs to prove he’s more than just a highly successful businessman. Pete needs to do more than run an effective campaign that defeated two much more experienced and well known other candidates. No, you see, Pete, according to Grampa World Herald, must prove that… he’s not a Ken Doll.

Ok, thanks, OWH. Just want to be clear that we’re talking about substance and serious things in a serious way. Because calling a candidate by the name of Barbie’s boyfriend really ups the political discourse, there.

Oh but wait, there’s more! Let’s talk about the House races!
Should we talk about a single (serious) issue that is at stake in any of these races? Noooooooooooooo.

Instead let’s talk, in each and every analysis, whether the candidate has enough money to be competitive. You see, money is obscene, and wildly expensive in the Senate race. But it’s pretty much the only issue in the House races.

Thanks for setting that up, OWH.
My what a service you’ve performed.

2 comments:

Cowpunk said...

Were you stoned when you wrote this? Seriously.

Street Sweeper said...

When I wrote the column or drew the picture? Ok, neither, but I apprecaite the sincerity of the comment.